Testing Tips

IMG_9705Tips for testing…

  • Get out of bed
  • Yes. You have to.
  • Coffee
  • More coffee
  • Deep breaths
  • SERIOUS prayer time
  • Wear your lucky shirt and socks and underwear
  • Hold your head up high
  • Look confident
  • Hope that you pull it off
  • Don’t let them see you sweat
  • Prepare for the test
  • Give blood, and your first born child to receive your testing materials
  • Quiz your students while they are in line for the bathroom
  • Don’t forget to take your testing materials to the bathroom with you
  • They do not like being left alone
  • Remember if you leave them alone you will lose your job
  • Settle kids down
  • Resist the urge to pull out last minute flashcards
  • Begin bribery
  • Promise them candy
  • Promise them extra recess
  • Promise them fun
  • Beg
  • Plead
  • Wring your hands
  • Give inspiring speech
  • Set the timer
  • More SERIOUS prayer time (silently of course)
  • More deep breaths
  • Sit still and do absolutely nothing
  • For 2 hours
  • Really
  • No computer, no papers to grade, no books to read
  • Count the little black holes in the ceiling tiles
  • Twirl your hair  (while you still have some)
  • Plan your family reunion (in your head)
  • Plan a vacation to an exotic tropical location (in your head)
  • Make a grocery list (in your head)
  • Have some SERIOUS prayer time (in your head)
  • Try to keep your coffee-filled body still
  • No fidgeting
  • No wiggling
  • No tapping…feet or pencils
  • Circulate the room to monitor (and to work off coffee jitters)
  • But under no circumstances EVER look at the test
  • Never. Ever.  Look.
  • Your eyes will burn out of your head
  • Your job will be in jeopardy
  • You will be cursed forever
  • It’s not worth it
  • Do not cry when the first kid finishes in 5 minutes
  • Do not break down when the next 6 finish in 10
  • Do not worry
  • All will be well…with your soul
  • Do not beat your head on the desk when some of them raise their hands and ask you what multiplication is
  • And under no circumstances answer them
  • Do not allow the snoring of the first 7 kids that finish to disturb those who actually are trying
  • Give a trashcan to any kid who thinks they are going to throw up
  • Watch your timer closely
  • Stop students when it goes off
  • Try not to cheer out loud that day 1 is over
  • More deep breathing
  • SERIOUS prayer over testing materials before turning them in
  • Practice for following day…all afternoon…ad nauseam
  • Repeat all these steps
  • Plus don’t forget to wash all your lucky clothing for the next day
  • For five days
  • Celebrate big when it is all over
  • Remember you love children
  • Remember you love teaching
  • Say these things over and over again
  • “I love children. I love children. I love children.”
  • “I love teaching. I love teaching. I love teaching.”
  • Hold your breath for 10 days until scores come back
  • Ten days of SERIOUS prayer
  • Remember that no matter what happens…
  • You make a difference
  • Far more than knowledge
  • You impart confidence
  • You impart wisdom
  • You impart determination
  • You impart belief
  • You impart hope
  • You impart courage to try
  • You impart creativity
  • You impart perseverance
  • You impart the ability to THINK
  • Never forget that
  • A test cannot measure that

 

 

 

 

 

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