This blog is entirely written tongue-in-cheek….
Boots are all the rage, and as the weather cools they come out in force. This year, I decided to get in on the fashion craze. My boot is made of warm and cozy fleece. It is midnight black with charcoal gray accents. There are no zippers, or buckles because who needs them when you can have Velcro? Just slide your leg in, and strap yourself in for a look that says ‘Darth Vader rocks.’ Notice the gray bubble and how it stands out as a fashion statement? I love how it totally camouflages the air pump constructed into the lining of the boot. What other boot do you know that has such sophisticated technology built right in? Just give a few pumps and your leg can barely move from the ‘gentle hug’ of the footwear.
And boots with heels? Who needs them, when you can have a platform of four inches that makes a clumping sound rivaling a peg-leg pirate? No need to notify anyone of your approach, they will hear you coming. Another feature of this little gem is that it offers a rare opportunity to forgo matching your socks…always a benefit at my house. Just wrap your foot in the black fleece and secure…no sock will be visible at all. Wear any color you choose, and no one will be the wiser. Also, you don’t have to worry about ironing the bottom half of your right pants leg either, since it will be tucked into the boot for the maximum fashion statement and to accentuate your new look. Sadly the time you save ironing, you will need when putting the boot on and taking it off EVERY time you get into and out of the car, just take those few ironing seconds, add 15 minutes and you have about the amount of time you will need.
Once inside any public place, your boot will attract the attention of those around you. Everyone will want to know where you got it. You would think that with so much interest everyone would have one right? But only those with special qualifications are allowed to have this little number, which makes it that much more interesting for those who are unable to obtain one. They will ask questions and you will have to repeat how you got yours to almost every person you meet along your way…especially children, they seem to have more interest than average. These multiple discussions will require additional time to arrive anywhere on schedule, so be sure to calculate that into your daily routine.
Unfortunately this boot only comes as a single, but that is what makes it so unique. Just think of how much creativity it offers you when choosing a shoe for the other foot. However, finding another four inch shoe to match your professional attire can be a challenge, so it is best just to find one comparable shoe and wear it no matter what it looks like. It is either that or wait a couple of weeks, until your other foot requires a matching boot too…from walking with a lopsided gait.
I can almost hear you asking…how did you find such a fabulous boot? Where did you get it and how much did it cost? How did YOU get selected to wear such a thing? After all, I am not known for my fashion sense. I found it at my doctor’s office of all places. Who knew, right? Apparently, doctor’s offices are great places to find such items, and you get them for FREE. (Well, not really free but it appears that way when you get it.) I will let you in on my secret qualifications for this spectacular footwear. First, you have to have a genetic predisposition for weak cartilage/tendons/tissue and the like. Add to it a chemo induced degeneration, as well as age induced degeneration. Throw in a malformed heel, some small tears in a tendon, and a buildup of fluid and ta-da…you can have your own fashionable boot too.
It is possible that once I have worn this boot for a couple of weeks that I will be required to remove it, however, it is also possible that I will have an MRI and then be required to wear it for many more weeks. Lucky me!