Diamonds

Diamonds are formed under pressure they say. I think that any pressure that causes a black lump of coal to turn clear must be extreme to say the least. And I wonder if the coal feels like it will implode in the process, or be squished until it disappears and there is nothing left. Ultimately, the clear diamond is removed from the pressure, but it is still far from the brilliant stone it will someday be. The months -long cutting process is still to come in which the diamond loses ½ its weight as it is split, cut and ground. Seems an awfully long process, of which years of pressure are only the beginning. I must tell you that as a metaphor this does not make me happy. Isn’t there a way to get the brilliance without all the pain? Or would I prefer just to remain a lump of coal? There are days my answer to that question is yes. I want to say, just leave me alone God and let me stay as I am. Then he reminds me of a prayer I prayed before I knew you have to be careful what you pray. “My sacrifice oh God is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.” Ps. 51:17. From this one verse, I learned that praying scripture with an innocent heart can be a dangerous thing. Each time I walk through the valley of the shadow, I am brought back to the day I prayed that heartfelt prayer of surrender as a girl. He reminds me that ultimately, I want to have the fire, which radiates from within me, and the sparkle that draws others to find this lover of my soul. I want to be luminous, and reflect his glory. My prayer actually gave him permission to do this. Sometimes, in the process, it is not a pretty sight. I wrestle with God, and men, and just about anything else, I come into contact with. It is when the pressure is greatest, or the cutting is deepest that I squirm the most. I have learned that submitting to the pain is far better than fighting it. I have learned that fear urges me to fight, but faith says, “Give it up. Let him have his way. You will be better for it.”
Each gemstone diamond has 58 facets. That is 58 times to be cut in order to reflect the light with the most fire. It is a delicate process, done with the utmost precision. One slip, one wrong angle can render the diamond worthless. Good thing the diamond cutter is God. He doesn’t make mistakes in timing, or in the process of polishing. He knows that the art of creating a container which reflects his brilliant light, is as individual as I am. I might think a cut he is making is a bit deep, or he has been working on this way too long, but he knows. His way doesn’t look like my way. It won’t. Never does. What if I have no control? Then I know the truth…I’ve never had control…not really. What if he asks me to do something I cannot bear? He will always ask me that, because He wants bear it for me. What if he asks me to trust someone with my very life? Then he is really asking me to trust HIM. And in the end, will I become the diamond he is making me into? I will become the one that is fit for his crown because of the fire that reflects from my eyes…his vision. My words will be as honey to the soul, sweet, comforting and full of his life…his words. He will give me courage to endure the process. Even if I do not know its conclusion. Even if I cannot see the outcome. He will bear me up, and carry me. He will tell me each step along the way. Wait. Hear. Listen. Follow. Allow the cutting. Allow the polishing. Allow the pressure to do its work…his work.

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