Adjustment

         I thought I was handling Hannah’s move so well, until Saturday. We went to Lowes to pick out light fixtures for the house. Seemed like an easy task…just go in and find the lights like the ones we have. Sounds like a breeze, only they don’t make those lights anymore and the more I looked the more frustrated I got. Fussing at Bill and Peter I should have seen the underlying problem was NOT the house. It took a whole day of stress building up before I finally melted down. Ah ha! There could be more to these tears than the stress of home building! You would think I would have been suspect before 7:00 p.m. but no, it took until then for the emotions to completely surface.
      It is the most out of the ordinary kind of grief I have faced. It hurts and there is loss, but also I am excited about Hannah’s growth. I have talked to her and she is doing wonderfully. She is making new friends and settling into a routine. Her first classes were today and she was relieved afterwards because the work load on the syllabus’ seemed manageable. After hearing how hard college work is for the past year, she had built it up in her mind to near impossible. The worry that she wouldn’t be able to handle it seems to have abated, and she is excited about learning new things.
       My emotions are vacillating between sadness at the changes this has brought, and excitement about Hannah’s future. It is like a roller coaster ride. Mostly I am fine, though I can feel tears close to the surface. The stress of the house, even though it is coming along, is not helping the situation. If I could go and sit in my own bedroom to deal with my feelings I think it wouldn’t be as hard. Soon I know that this will all be a memory and the adjustment will be made. The new relationship with my adult daughter will grow. The house will be finished and home will be home once again. I am looking forward to that stability, but embracing yet another chance to get closer to my Lord as I fumble my way along this new path. It is a good thing and a God thing!
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