I am exhausted once again.  My school schedule is more cram-packed than it has been in a few years.  I have no break from the morning to the afternoon.  I teach all day with barely enough time to eat lunch.  I think my body is healthy, but it is not used to this pace and stress load.  The frustrations of education and all that goes with it still cause me to wrestle within myself.  I love to teach children.  I love the light bulb moments that come when they get it.  I also love trying to teach things in different ways so they understand.  The paperwork and the tracking are impossible.  I don’t even have my own classroom and I am overwhelmed…the regular classroom teachers are snowed under all the time.  It is this red tape and craziness that I hate.  So I wrestle with the question…if life is short is this what I want to do with the time I have?  Don’t get me wrong…I plan to live to a ripe old age…but if I didn’t…if I only had a year or two, is this what I would do?  Do I make enough of a difference?  These are my post-cancer questions that have no answers at the moment. 

Things will settle down at school, we are only in the second week.  I am always overwhelmed at this time of the year…so some of this is circumstances that are normal.  I am in graduate school on top of that, which adds more.  I am waiting on God.  I am asking him if not this then what?  And how and where?  I am getting a masters degree so I will be staying in the field one way or another.  I am not planning to leave teaching…just wondering, and waiting.  Next year in our county is a big one with a new school opening and bringing sixth grade back to an elementary level, so everything will change.  It will be fruit basket turnover.  We will see what happens…


2 thoughts on “Tired

  1. If you live close to God and his infinite grace, you don’t have to tell,
    it shows on your face.
    We can put on false faces that say we are happy, kind, selfless, giving, loving and so on ,But God sees through our facades.

    Help me Father, to accept the stages of life as a part of Your plan.

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